Matsuo's Diary
Matsuo Hamada was Mitsui’s brother and his death served as the seed that grew into her relentless desire for vengeance.
Though he had a relatively short life, dying at the age of 15, the few years he had were filled with bitterness, resentment and pain. This was due to trying--and always failing--to meet the impossible demands of his abusive father.
Despite all that, Matsuo revered his father as a hero and wanted nothing more than to be just like him. He was well on his way to reaching that goal--having already become quite the bully--when he met Kenji. Unfortunately, Kenji would not be bullied and their confrontation ended in Matsuo’s defeat. When his father heard of this, he banished him to a monastery, where he later died in a tragic accident.
At his mother’s insistence, Matsuo kept a diary, which Mitsui later found and has always kept with her. Through his diary, she is given a glimpse into the sad life that her brother lived.
Here are some selected entries . . .
June 7—Father said he’d start my training today. Finally! I’ve only been begging forever. I’m 4 now, that should be old enough. I can’t wait. I hope Mother is happy, too. She says she is, but I’m not sure. But maybe it’s not me. Maybe if she cooked Father’s dinner right, he wouldn’t be mad at her all the time.
July 20—It was so hot outside today! I don’t even remember finishing training. The last thing I remember is doing a front kick, then seeing a lot of funny lights. And Mother screaming. She said she was screaming at Father to make him stop kicking me after I passed out. She said he told her he was only trying to make me get up. I don’t believe her. Maybe I did pass out from the heat, but why would he kick me? I probably got these bruises when I fell.
March 11—Mitsui. Mother yelled at me for the first time in my life today. She told me to stop calling my new sister THAT BABY and call her by her name, Mitsui. I did it just to shut her up. I laughed inside because she wasn’t yelling that loud. She knew if Father heard, he wouldn’t put up with it. He doesn’t like THAT BABY anymore than I do. He’s still angry at her for not giving him another boy. I would tell him she yelled at me, but he doesn’t like me talking during our training.
August 27—Another day of failure. I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for him. He's always yelling, YOU'RE NOT THIS ENOUGH, YOU'RE NOT THAT ENOUGH, YOU'RE DOING THIS WRONG, YOU'RE DOING THAT WRONG!!!! I can't be so bad that I do everything wrong. At least I'm not wrong at the school. They know to respect me and show me the honor I deserve. Everybody follows me because they know what will happen if they don’t.